The Bates Haunting Review

Full disclosure first - my old high school buddy Byron Turk made The Bates Haunting, and so some of you might think that makes me biased with my review. That just makes you dicks. Nothing would give me more pleasure than endlessly tormenting the poor guy if I thought the movie sucked, trust me. The guy gave me so much shit whenever WCW would beat WWF in the ratings. That was like a whole year.

But I didn't think it sucked. I actually thought it was pretty good. You win this round, Turk.

I've had to watch a lot of bad horror movies on streaming services as part of trying to get to 365 movies by the end of the year. The Bates Haunting is so ahead of the pack that it's not even funny - it has actual production value. For reals.

But yeah, don't go into it expecting SERIOUS BUSINESS. The Bates Haunting has more of a tone like the Hatchet movies - old school styled horror, can laugh at itself, and hits the ground running so you're never bored watching it. Kind of like Hobo with a Shotgun but not all "LOOK AT ME!!!" about everything.

I hate when movies are all "LOOK AT ME WE ARE SO IRONIC!" It's a crutch. It feels natural here.

What's worse than a boring horror movie? Nothing. Even that, that you're thinking right now as you're reading it. Trust me, I've seen a lot of boring horror movies. I'd rather sit through a movie and think it totally sucked than fall asleep watching it. At least it would engage my mind a bit. This is a FAST PACED film that gets shit done in an hour and seventeen minutes. No ponderous tracking shots or staring at empty rooms for ten minutes. People do that stuff.

I can go on and on about The Bates Haunting and why you should watch it, and in turn, bore you out of watching it. I'm not gonna do that! I can boil everything down into one line that will make or break you wanting to watch:

TWO PEOPLE GET EATEN BY A COMBINE HARVESTER.

If you can't appreciate that, what are you doing reading reviews about horror movies? I have a feeling I know my audience and they'd be running to see the movie because of that alone.

You can see it on iTunes or Amazon Instant Video right now. If you've got prime, it's free.

-Casey